Jokes – freshness guaranteed

September 10, 2013

Bangalore school fires career counselor for suggesting rape as career alternative

Filed under: Uncategorized — pramath @ 10:09 AM

In a bizarre incidence, a Bangalore school has fired its career counselor for suggesting raping as a career alternative to a student. The school has requested to remain unnamed.

“I am at loss of words” told the exasperated principal while the counselor has decided to challenge the decision in local labor court.

“You have to understand the problem. The 13 year boy I advised was a relocated NRI who couldn’t stand the rigor of Indian curriculum. The father was denied green card after staying 12 years in the US on H1-B and green card related extensions of the visa. The boy had no options but to find some way to earn his bread when he is an adult. Even his family was in one of those “left-out” sections by the wide-reaching food bill.” The counselor explained to our reporter.

After flunking sixth standard thrice in succession, the ace basketball player boy had no hopes of making it through any engineering college, which is believed to be the only way of survival for upcoming generation. Trying to earn one’s living as a sportsman in India in any sport other than cricket has remained a wild goose’ chase.

The 6’2″ tall well-endowed boy when contacted by our (male and straight) reporters, was also confused. “I don’t know why they should fire the good old counselor.” He replied in Californian accents and clueless looks in his eyes. “She was right in pointing out that once you commit a rape as a juvenile, you are guaranteed three years of food, focus and fulfillment in the jail. They may even start serving biryanis too! These days I have started cultivating liking for spicy Indian food. She even suggested me to commit 10-12 rapes in succession to assure a career-long comfortable stay in the jail.”

The counselor says she did what she was assigned. “I did my job professionally. Like any other science, counseling is amoral. My advice is in the best interest of my client. I did advise him sequential raping but cautioned against taking blue pills that cut male refractory period. He is a juvenile. It was indeed a challenging assignment. This is the best we can suggest to a mediocre juvenile! From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!”

“Looking at the rate at which socialistic laws are cleared by Lok Sabha, by the time he finishes his terms for a dozen rapes, he may even qualify for a pension from the government also. If government employees can be given pensions after raping the society and the economy, why leave poor juveniles behind?” Asked a prominent human rights activists, assuring every criminal has undeniable human rights. The activist refused to comment about human rights of victims because it wasn’t the area of expertise for her (or anybody else).

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September 6, 2013

Missing in marriage

Filed under: All in the Family,Marital Bliss — pramath @ 10:28 AM

Men miss their pulse before marriage.

Men miss their purse after marriage.

September 3, 2013

Nothing

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 8:40 AM

Prime Minister says the government has nothing to hide.

Opposition says the government has nothing to show.

Finance Minister says the government has nothing.

The common man says nothing.

August 23, 2013

Half-truths

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 3:41 PM

Read this first.

Deepinder Hooda may not be fit for the job of heading a cell for digital media after all. Look at his statements!
“Ours would be a volunteer-led approach,” he said. “Their (BJP) case is fit for those who want to use social media to spread half-truths and canard… But social media can be used to spread truth. It is imperative for a political party to communicate its ideology and voice efficiently and strongly. This medium is very important in this age,” he said.

Read carefully each part:

  • BJP is using social media to spread half-truths and canards – Congress won’t (use social media for the purpose. For them, bought TV journalists are good enough)
  • BJP is using paid forces to spread half-truth and canards – “Ours will be a volunteer-led approach”, a Freudian slip? 🙂
  • BJP is spreading half-truth – and the other half will be available from our sites?

Critical reading is just my habit or is Mr. Hooda is a new liability for Congress?

August 20, 2013

Advised children not to play outside these days

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 9:53 AM

Man, I had asked children not to play outside.

Free falling rupee has already injured my national pride and my household budget.

What if it injures my little angels too?

A golden chance to eliminate communalism from India

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 9:05 AM

Here is a golden chance to eliminate communalism from India once and forever.

Look, we elected an economist as the PM and economy disappeared in 10 years.

If this time we elect Narendra Modi, the communalist, communalism may disappear within 10 years too!

August 13, 2013

The 5 Rs. saga continues!

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 5:13 AM

“No, Pappu, no! Rs. 5 for the entire crowd wouldn’t cut. Feku charged Rs. 5 per person in the crowd!”

August 12, 2013

Digvijay Singh plans to charge 5 Rs. for his speech too

Filed under: Indian politics and economy — pramath @ 4:00 PM

Just to prove that a common man is ready to pay to listen not only to the top campaigner for BJP but also to any other airaa-gairaa-Naththu-Khairaa, Mr. Digvijay Singh is reported to be planning to charge Rs. 5 for attending to his speeches. As per the primary estimate, he is likely to pull a crowd of nearly half a million vis-a-vis Mr. Modi’s mere 200,000.

The trouble is believed to be in the Congress headquarters. Already troubled by allegations about tax evasion by son-in-law-of-India, the party isn’t inclined to give the opposition another chance to allege entertainment tax evasion.

Yet another fear expressed by some senior members of party is that the message about the money being donated towards “disaster relief in Uttarakhand” may be confused as the funding to topple their own government in the state. What makes the matter worse is, similar demands for such disaster relief may quickly rise from Assam, Karnataka,  Maharashtra and Andhra Pradesh and to some extent, Indian economy or the entire nation.

July 31, 2013

Confession

Filed under: Around children — pramath @ 3:35 AM

The father of the neo-teen confessed in turn that he used to believe that while the sun rose from the East,  the moon rose from the West. It sounded so fair and balanced till one full moon evening he actually saw the moon rising.

Confession

Filed under: Around children — pramath @ 3:30 AM

The neo-teen confessed yesterday:
“Before I studied about magnetism, I used to think magnets must be related to glue. The denser the glue, the stronger the magnet. I got suspicious when my glue theory could not explain the suction. “

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